Monday, January 28, 2008

Sunday Morning Nightmare

What in the name of Diddy David Hamilton is going on with Sunday morning radio? I've never known such a schedule of shockers. There’s not one show pitched perfectly for anyone convalesing from a Saturday night polite pickling.

I became a DAB’er about 3 years ago, and although the broadcast quality is crisp and clear, the content seems to be crumbling by the week.

This is a breakdown of yesterdays listening between 9 – 10:30

BBC cosy local
For old folk only. Gardening a go-go and memories of the 50s.

Radio 1
Can’t make up its mind if wants an urban pirate vibe or student rag week feel, and most of the presenters render it unlistenable at any time.

Radio 2
Steve Wright. That rotten keyboard sound used for backgrounds beds and two hours of the same sickly requests and slushy sounds mainly from the eighties. It's beige broadcasting. And some people listen to this show every week.*sounds of dry retching*

6 Music
Too jerky and jarring for an early doors hangover on the Sabbath.

Our Kind of Music
Show songs, Ella and Frank - good for twenty minutes until they drop in some brain shaking scat singing.

The Jazz
Good for about 15 minutes until they drop in the Jazz horns screechers and some ol' modal meltdown.

Traffic FM – twenty four hour rolling traffic news anyone? (more on this soon)

The most suitable Sunday soother would be Guy Garvey’s excellent 6 Music show a real gem of low key acoustics, and soft mellow melters gently presented by Guy Garvey(yes, him from Elbow), but this only goes out on Sunday evenings, by which time I'm so frazzled I can barely manage more than 15 minutes.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Dave Vanian Writes.....

Hello I'm Dave Vanian of The Damned
You may know me from songs like 'New Rose', 'Neat Neat Neat', 'Smash It Up' 'Eloise' and 'I Just Can't Be Happy Today'. Well I'm not happy today - in fact I'm in a right steaming rage, I don't mind a bit of light fingered 'pop lifting' but have you seen the Sweeney Todd posters? Johnny Depp's only gone and reanimated my 80's proto Goth look for his role as the Demon Barber hasn't he. And do I get any credit like Keith Richards did - do I bugger! What the devil am I barking on about ? Have a peep at these 80's hits and you'll see - what a damned cheek. Grave robbery that's what it is.

*puff of smoke, takes form of a bat and flaps out of window gnashing fangs*

The Damned - 'Eloise'

The Damned - 'Shadow of Love'

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Video Nasties Pt 1 - New Order 'True Faith'

There's a few videos that genuinely infuriate me, and 'True Faith' is probably the first one that made my neck as tight as a tent post. This tear up in Toy Town type video was irritating enough at the time - it just looks plain daft now. But what's even more blood boilingly annoying is that 'True Faith' still gets badged and branded as a "classic". The live sections are all fine and dandy - it's during the symbolism, sign language and serious faced slapstick where my shoulders start to slump. It's not even funny with the sound down. I really don't miss the 80's at all.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Reasons to be Cheerful Pt. 1 - Public Information Films

Do they still make Public Information Films? I don't think I've ever seen a contemporary 'Take Care' TV shortie. The 'Charlie Says' DVD released a few years ago, collected the best of the Sixties and Seventies P.I films and is an absolute joy packed with educational gems from end to end. Yes, there's all the textbook safety subjects...

Crossing the Road - Green Cross Code and The Tufty Club,

Swimming - Rolf Harris'Get in the Swim' and 'Meet Dave'

Driving - Think Once. Think Twice. Think Bike and 'Clunk Click'.

But the real revelation is the volume (over 150 on Vol. 1 alone), and depth ( chip pans, polystyrene ceiling tiles, and overly polished floors) of Health and Safety issues spoon fed to the public. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking these films, we could probably do with more of these punchy numbers today - mobile phones, dangerous dogs and stodge diets for starters.

Set dressed for earthy authenticity (apart from a few of the scenarios) these thumbnails capture an accurate snapshot of Seventies lifestyle and deliver all the detail lacking from the over dressed grotesques in shows like 'Life on Mars' etc..
Treat yourself and have a peep at Blunders family in 'Meet the Blunders' -
I Love the moment they've chosen to freeze frame at the end..

There's Mr Blunders

There's Mrs blunders and there's Billy Blunders

The 'Charlie Says' special edition containing Vol 1 and 2 is available from Amazon for the crazy price of £6.97 (bizarrely Volume 1 and 2 are individually priced at around £10)

If you're in the mood for more retromaniac classics have a wander over Planet Mondo for some Charity Shop sounds including Joe Loss and Manuel and The Music of The Mountains'

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Start Making Sense Pt. 2 – Space Invader Close Ups.

What is going on with this crazy phase of extremely ‘Extreme Close Ups’ for talking head shots at certain moments in comtemporary Documentaries?

There seems to be a new fad for this caps, bold and underlined, forehead to chin camera angle. I don’t get it at all, are they saying …

A – This is a close, revealing and sensitive moment. DO YOU SEE????

Yes I do see but I have to go reeling out of the room to focus on the speakers face.

B – We are giving you a sense of reality, intimacy, contact and a shared ‘in the room’ experience with this person.

But I don’t know anyone with a 28” widescreen face and certainly wouldn't share any sort of experience with someone that did , save from shooing them to the door.

It’s like all those shaky shenningans back in the 90’s (‘This Life’ being the world’s worst offender) when only camera operators with St Vitus Dance seemed to be used. I wasn't impressed, just ended up with motion sickness and switching off.

C’mon get a grip, and pull it back a bit.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I Am The Walrus

Good God almighty I must have gone hard at it this Christmas. Even my 'not so hard to do up trousers' are on the point of bursting like an over inflated balloon - and they haven't even been to the Dry Cleaners so that's that excuse gone pop (soon to be followed by the trousers).

I'm sure I was wasn't feeling this puffed up and bloaty last January, but that'll be down to the scientific yet seasonally named 'Winter Vomit Disease' (are there other seasonal diseases?) which kicked in on Christmas Day.

So then resolutions for 2008

New Year rezzers at the moment are....

1 - Advance beyond just the Pentatonic scale for guitar playing.
Perhaps have a try at that crazy Mixolydian scale.

2 - Check for grammar, typo's and spelling mistakes before posting new blog entries.
I'm bound to have blown that one on this entry.

3 - Start getting up to date with TV and film.
I'm so achingly out of date with everything it's beyond ridiculous - never seen The Sopranos, Heroes or any US dramas, (I only started on Seinfeld last year). And the list of films I haven't seen is plain embarrassing

4 - Read books that aren't just music/pop culture/entertainment related.
This shouldn't be too tricky - in theory

5 - Try to do less blogging.
My heads constantly buzzing with bits to stick in my cyberspace scrapbooks, I've been a terror for Ebay, music downloading and Myspace but nothing has swallowed my spare (and not spare) time like the black hole of blogging. I really should try to apply the hi tech' handbrake more often in 2008

Updates may be posted throughout the year - but wouldn't that be breaking Res' number 5? Yikes it's like a Mobius Strip.