Don't panic - I'm not thinking of throwing or going to some swinging affair. Although right now somewhere, someone (possibly even, someone you know ) will be planning and prepping a home-counties communal love-in this weekend. And like any other suburban do, there must be some pre-party production and a tick list of sorts
RSVPs
Drinks/nibbles to be bought (spicy must be off the menu)
Rearranging furniture
Tweaking the lighting
Choosing the music
Bowls for peanuts and car keys
So do they add some musical colour and atmos' at these low-key local get-it-togethers? Is there a carefully picked playlist of smoochy tunes perhaps titled 'Songs For Swinging Lovers'. You couldn't risk a random shuffle could you (behave - I mean on the iPod) suppose a passion killer from the collection boomed into view - Amazing Grace, Ace Of Spades or Grandad We Love You ..
On arrival is there the usual party pre-amble - "How's the job, any holidays planned" etc..and who gives the skirts-up/trousers-down signal. Surely the neighbours must rumble that something's ahoy as car-loads of unknown middle aged meddlers start pinching all the parking spaces..
It goes on everywhere you know - there's even visual evidence of local interest activties happening in my hometown and it's surrounding suburbs
Barge Gladys home to the family friendy Benfleet Yacht Club was notoriously outed in the Sunday papers some years back as a location for the am-cam movie 'Kym's Sea Shanty'.
A regular reader of this blog once lent me 'Benfleet a-Go-Go' as they named it. A sort of home made have-it-away-day filmed on the Fenchurch Street to Southend line one Sunday afternoon, a hand held not-so-steadycam film of two couples making their own in-carriage entertainment .
Even folksy Old Leigh isn't safe - the local nature reserve Two Tree Island is a magnet for dog walkers by day but doggers by night
So consider this - amongst your network of friends - work, social or virtual who would you ring as the swinger of the scene. Think of it as kinky Cluedo (Lewdo - perhaps) who is the Professor Plum or Miss Scarlet? Is that a lead pipe in his pocket or is he just pleased to see her, and what caper are they hoping to carry off in the study this weekend?
Or if you are someone hosting a communal cosy-up over the bank holiday, help yourself to this and think if it as something for the weekend. A very cheeky compilation titled 'I'm Not Feeling Myself Tonight'- described as...
"From under the counter, Jigoku's Lovely Jon and Quiet Village's Joel Martin present this very rude, XXX rated (and as the title suggests, a very tongue-in-cheek) limited edition mix. Expect to hear sleazy disco, dirty funk, glam rock and punk interspersed with snippets of dialogue from blue movies, 70's jazzmag flexidiscs, and more. Distinctly British and distinctly 70s, this filthy little party mix is brimming with low-budget sleaze - utterly explicit and rather politically incorrect."
