Shall We Put A Record On?

How about The Faces?
Smashing.


The Faces - Maybe I'm Amazed (Single Version).mp3

Sunday Morning Nightmare

What in the name of Diddy David Hamilton is going on with Sunday morning radio? I've never known such a schedule of shockers. There’s not one show pitched perfectly for anyone convalesing from a Saturday night polite pickling.

I became a DAB’er about 3 years ago, and although the broadcast quality is crisp and clear, the content seems to be crumbling by the week.

This is a breakdown of yesterdays listening between 9 – 10:30

BBC cosy local
For old folk only. Gardening a go-go and memories of the 50s.

Radio 1
Can’t make up its mind if wants an urban pirate vibe or student rag week feel, and most of the presenters render it unlistenable at any time.

Radio 2
Steve Wright. That rotten keyboard sound used for backgrounds beds and two hours of the same sickly requests and slushy sounds mainly from the eighties. It's beige broadcasting. And some people listen to this show every week.*sounds of dry retching*

6 Music
Too jerky and jarring for an early doors hangover on the Sabbath.

Our Kind of Music
Show songs, Ella and Frank - good for twenty minutes until they drop in some brain shaking scat singing.

The Jazz
Good for about 15 minutes until they drop in the Jazz horns screechers and some ol' modal meltdown.

Traffic FM – twenty four hour rolling traffic news anyone? (more on this soon)

The most suitable Sunday soother would be Guy Garvey’s excellent 6 Music show a real gem of low key acoustics, and soft mellow melters gently presented by Guy Garvey(yes, him from Elbow), but this only goes out on Sunday evenings, by which time I'm so frazzled I can barely manage more than 15 minutes.

Dave Vanian Writes.....

Hello I'm Dave Vanian of The Damned
You may know me from songs like 'New Rose', 'Neat Neat Neat', 'Smash It Up' 'Eloise' and 'I Just Can't Be Happy Today'. Well I'm not happy today - in fact I'm in a right steaming rage, I don't mind a bit of light fingered 'pop lifting' but have you seen the Sweeney Todd posters? Johnny Depp's only gone and reanimated my 80's proto Goth look for his role as the Demon Barber hasn't he. And do I get any credit like Keith Richards did - do I bugger! What the devil am I barking on about ? Have a peep at these 80's hits and you'll see - what a damned cheek. Grave robbery that's what it is.

*puff of smoke, takes form of a bat and flaps out of window gnashing fangs*

The Damned - 'Eloise'


The Damned - 'Shadow of Love'

Video Nasties Pt 1 - New Order 'True Faith'

There's a few videos that genuinely infuriate me, and 'True Faith' is probably the first one that made my neck as tight as a tent post. This tear up in Toy Town type video was irritating enough at the time - it just looks plain daft now. But what's even more blood boilingly annoying is that 'True Faith' still gets badged and branded as a "classic". The live sections are all fine and dandy - it's during the symbolism, sign language and serious faced slapstick where my shoulders start to slump. It's not even funny with the sound down. I really don't miss the 80's at all.

Reasons to be Cheerful Pt. 1 - Public Information Films

Do they still make Public Information Films? I don't think I've ever seen a contemporary 'Take Care' TV shortie. The 'Charlie Says' DVD released a few years ago, collected the best of the Sixties and Seventies P.I films and is an absolute joy packed with educational gems from end to end. Yes, there's all the textbook safety subjects...

Crossing the Road - Green Cross Code and The Tufty Club,

Swimming - Rolf Harris'Get in the Swim' and 'Meet Dave'

Driving - Think Once. Think Twice. Think Bike and 'Clunk Click'.

But the real revelation is the volume (over 150 on Vol. 1 alone), and depth ( chip pans, polystyrene ceiling tiles, and overly polished floors) of Health and Safety issues spoon fed to the public. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking these films, we could probably do with more of these punchy numbers today - mobile phones, dangerous dogs and stodge diets for starters.

Set dressed for earthy authenticity (apart from a few of the scenarios) these thumbnails capture an accurate snapshot of Seventies lifestyle and deliver all the detail lacking from the over dressed grotesques in shows like 'Life on Mars' etc..
Treat yourself and have a peep at Blunders family in 'Meet the Blunders' -
I Love the moment they've chosen to freeze frame at the end..

There's Mr Blunders



There's Mrs blunders and there's Billy Blunders

The 'Charlie Says' special edition containing Vol 1 and 2 is available from Amazon for the crazy price of £6.97 (bizarrely Volume 1 and 2 are individually priced at around £10)

If you're in the mood for more retromaniac classics have a wander over Planet Mondo for some Charity Shop sounds including Joe Loss and Manuel and The Music of The Mountains'

Start Making Sense Pt. 2 – Space Invader Close Ups.

What is going on with this crazy phase of extremely ‘Extreme Close Ups’ for talking head shots at certain moments in comtemporary Documentaries?

There seems to be a new fad for this caps, bold and underlined, forehead to chin camera angle. I don’t get it at all, are they saying …

A – This is a close, revealing and sensitive moment. DO YOU SEE????

Yes I do see but I have to go reeling out of the room to focus on the speakers face.

B – We are giving you a sense of reality, intimacy, contact and a shared ‘in the room’ experience with this person.

But I don’t know anyone with a 28” widescreen face and certainly wouldn't share any sort of experience with someone that did , save from shooing them to the door.

It’s like all those shaky shenningans back in the 90’s (‘This Life’ being the world’s worst offender) when only camera operators with St Vitus Dance seemed to be used. I wasn't impressed, just ended up with motion sickness and switching off.

C’mon get a grip, and pull it back a bit.

I Am The Walrus

Good God almighty I must have gone hard at it this Christmas. Even my 'not so hard to do up trousers' are on the point of bursting like an over inflated balloon - and they haven't even been to the Dry Cleaners so that's that excuse gone pop (soon to be followed by the trousers).

I'm sure I was wasn't feeling this puffed up and bloaty last January, but that'll be down to the scientific yet seasonally named 'Winter Vomit Disease' (are there other seasonal diseases?) which kicked in on Christmas Day.

So then resolutions for 2008

New Year rezzers at the moment are....

1 - Advance beyond just the Pentatonic scale for guitar playing.
Perhaps have a try at that crazy Mixolydian scale.

2 - Check for grammar, typo's and spelling mistakes before posting new blog entries.
I'm bound to have blown that one on this entry.

3 - Start getting up to date with TV and film.
I'm so achingly out of date with everything it's beyond ridiculous - never seen The Sopranos, Heroes or any US dramas, (I only started on Seinfeld last year). And the list of films I haven't seen is plain embarrassing

4 - Read books that aren't just music/pop culture/entertainment related.
This shouldn't be too tricky - in theory

5 - Try to do less blogging.
My heads constantly buzzing with bits to stick in my cyberspace scrapbooks, I've been a terror for Ebay, music downloading and Myspace but nothing has swallowed my spare (and not spare) time like the black hole of blogging. I really should try to apply the hi tech' handbrake more often in 2008

Updates may be posted throughout the year - but wouldn't that be breaking Res' number 5? Yikes it's like a Mobius Strip.

Holiday On Ice

Well Bloggers and Bloggettes that's it on Channel Mondo for 2007 - the holiday handbrake is on. Pease feel free to pop over to planet mondo and fill your snow boots with the festive fun over there until the new year.

But until then, a big thank you is due to anyone who has read or commented on any of the ol' nonsense I've knocked out on this blog. And I'm sending an extra special thank you to all the those on the blog roll who were the inspiration for setting up this piece of ol' puffery up.

Over and out until 2008

PM

An Annual Event Pt 4 - 1977 -1979

The final round up of my annual report.

1977

I wasn't a regular Monster Fun reader but loved this cover- I became smitten with Krazy comic in '77 and every other comic seemed dated after Krazy.

My two almost favourite shows of '77.


But both were shot in to second place by Starsky and Hutch.

1978

I own a pair of Adidas SL 76's (Starsky's trainer of choice at the peak of the series) which still draw an occasional gasp from people of a certain age when I wear them.

I can't remember a single character from Shiver and Shake.



1979

How many great opening sequences and themes in this selection? New Avengers, Starsky and Hutch, The Sweeney and The Professionals - no one makes opening title sequences and themes of that quality any more.

Krazy comic character Cheeky became so popular he eventually got his own weekly publication. This cover features the ever desperate stooge - Walter Wurks.

An Annual Event Pt 3 - 1975 and 1976

A few more from the Christmas collection - this isn't the complete catalogue of 75/76Annuals as Whizzer and Chips, Star Trek and Superman Batman and Robin had become standard issue Christmas prezzies by this point, these are just a few of the extra goodies given.

1975
Was Funky Phantom 'Heavens to Murgatroyd' or was that Snagglepuss?
And where did the ol' granny come from? It didn't make sense then, it's mind boggling now.

I think this may have been the first Whoopee annual and featured The Bumpkin Billionares, Sweeny Todd and Frankie Stein.

Mainly reprints from 'Gold Key' comics with no Ron Ely anywhere.

My favourite Star Trek cover - you could almost touch the velvety texture of Spock's top, the silvery sparkle on his badge and the detail of the phaser. Magic. Unfortunately ended up covered with gauged lines from 'tracing' around Spock with tracing/greaseproof paper.


1976
Got the standard issue Fleetway Annuals this year - Whizzer and Chips, Shiver and Shake and Star Trek, but these are a few of the more obscure 'under the tree' additions.

Bill Bixby getting in on the 70's cop show boom. The Magician Annual had instructions for a great trick with a balloon, sellotape and a pin.
Urco and his gorilla army absolutely terrified me. It's gorrilas on horseback - with rifles. The two astronauts (Burke and Virdon)in POTA were surley the inspiration for Starsky and Hutch.

Great Neal Adams style illustration, but a couple of 'bloopers' - Batman's boots are are too short, Superman's boots have a yellow flourish and his 'S'logo colours have been reversed. (Yes I am a comics anorak - but not quite a geek)

This annual may have contained a Gerald McBoing-Boing story .

Christmas Clanger - The 'Sketch a Graph'

Strong statements with no sign of a disclaimer anywhere.



Click on the photos for close ups

Who was the twisted genius that came up with the concept of the 'Sketch a Graph'? And what committee of idiots were so impressed with the prototype and demos they put the thing into production. Fortunately I never got this box of disappointment for Christmas. Unfortunately I made the the mistake of splashing some Christmas money on one at the sort of shop selling stationary downstairs and toys upstairs, after being taken in with the adverts showing almost spectacularly accurate reproductions (in larger or smaller sizes) of maps, photos and illustrations created by this higgldy piggldy contraption - a cross between an etch a sketch, a compass and trellis fencing .

What in the name of Tony Hart was it all about? - I could have done better with my eyes closed using my left hand or if I'd tried drawing it driving over cobbles as the end result was always an absolutely hopeless shuddery muddle, not helped by the pivot only being secured by a solo drawing pin.



I found one almost MIB as they say on Ebay, for 50p in a local charity shop, but more amazingly the 'Sketch a Graph' is still going strong, you can see it here. It's been given a make over, and they seemed to have addressed the shudder issues. I could be tempted to try again.

An Annual Event Pt 2 - 1974

My 1974 haul of Annuals seems to be well represented at www.tonystrading.co.uk

The Protectors - Gerry Anderson production, 'Avenues and Alleyways'theme tune and the lovely Nyree Dawn Porter too. *sighs*


I used to be a terror for TV Detectives, but always found Columbo and Canon a bit boring. I'm sure Steve McGarrett (Hawaii Five-O) must have been inspired by Elvis.

Superman, Batman and Robin - all thriller no filler illustration only. Luscious.


It Wasn't all action for 74 there were cartoons and comic annuals too.

I only found out about the Whizzer characters sneaking into Chips stories and vice versa, years after I stopped reading W & C ( I think Minnie's mixer - one of my faves had been phased out by the 74 annual).


The BBC always had the best cartoons.

An Annual Event Pt 1 - 1970 to 1973

Annuals and their giveaway shape when wrapped, were one of my favourite things about Christmas in the seventies. I loved the facts, stats, and picture stories - but could never be bothered with reading the mini written stories. This isn't my complete collection, just the edited highlights(read:ones I could find pictures of )

1970 - I got my first Christmas Annual in 1970 . POW, featuring Leo Baxendale's Grimly Feendish (partly based on Professor Marcus from The Ladykillers) in a haggis heist. And Spiderman battling the Meteor Man.

1971 - Tom and Jerry, I always thought it was a bit odd that these were full of speech bubbles, when T and J hardly ever spoke in the cartoons.

1972 - Disneyland had a story about Donald Duck being shipwrecked at sea which gave me nightmares for years.

1973 - My first Star Trek Annual. Kirk's top was always a bit too mustardy or green, but the ' Trek Annuals were all illustration, no long winded wordy nonsense here. Marvellous.

And the spectacular Persuaders Annual, the photo sections were tinted green - which gave a Tooty Minties vibe.


More to come soon - most of the pic's used here are from the mighty site
http://www.tonystrading.co.uk/

Wizard of Ozzy - Rock n Roll Pantomime

Instead of the same sorry ol' soap stars and reality also rans grinding through their lines in the local theatre, wouldn't Rock and Rollers make superior Panto performers? After all, they're seasoned board treaders, they specialise in working the crowds and lung busting in theatrical costumery - so should be ready made for the festive season. But who should play what ?

I’m going for 'Wizard of Oz'

Katie Melua as Dorothy
Robert Plant as the Lion (understudy - Newton Faulkner)
One of Daft Punk as the Tin Man (understudy – the other one from Daft Punk)
Thom Yorke as the Scarecrow (understudy Bob Geldof)
Amy Winehouse as the Wicked Witch
Jimmy Page as the Wizard (understudy - Dave Gilmour)

Bjork Would make a superb Snow White
Prince (Frisky) Van Morrison (Grumpy), Kelly Jones (Shouty)would be perfect for a few of the shorties

And Amy Wino and Pete Dochers could be Cinderella and Buttons in Sleeping Beauty

Its only frock and roll but I like it.
(Oh no you don't)
(Oh yes I do )
*Continues for several hours*

Weird Fantasy - Guest List

Inspired by the playlist postings here...

Five Centres
The Urban Woo
Valentine suicide

I'm going to do my own playlist posting - the difference being these are potential setlists. A couple of friends Agent Cooper and Paul Sigg's have started a new shindig and monthly tear up in the sunny Southend area called 'Weird Fantasy'( the second installment being this Friday 30th November) and have kindly allowed me to do a spot of decks pesting on the night.

These are the setlists I may be spinning - but it's almost impossible to be prescriptive, so running orders typically go on the wobble and out the window thirty seconds into the first track, but anyway this is plan.

Possible Set 1
Marsha Hunt - (Oh No! Not) The Beast Day
Jackie Mittoo - Stereo Freeze
The First Edition - I Just Dropped In To See What Condition My Condition Was In
The Marmalade - Mess Around
Roger & The Gypsies - Pass The Hatchet
Donovan -- Babarajagal (Love Is Hot)
Hugo Montenegro - Touch Me (The Doors)
The McCoys - Fever
Johnny Jones - Purple haze
Jackie Mittoo - Hang 'Em High
Tommy Dark - Wobble Legs
Esquerita - Rockin' the Joint
The Isley Brothers - Get Into Something
Amanda Shankar - Jumpin' Jack Flash
The Ikettes -Don't Feel Sorry For Me
Booker T & The MGs - Jelly Bread
Sammy Davis Jr - You Can Count On Me
Velvet Underground - Guess I'm Falling In Love
The Sonics - Shot Down

Possible Set 2
Albert Collins - Cookin' Catfish
The Strangers - Mary Mary
Merry Clayton - Gimme Shelter
Thelma Houston - Jumping Jack Flash
Patti Drew -- Fever
Chubby Checker - Back In the USSR
Five By Five - Fire
The Bobby Fuller Four - Magic Touch
The Younghearts - A Little Togetherness
The Sonics - Psycho
The Happy Cats - These Boots Were Made For Walkin'
Mae West - Great Balls of Fire
Tony Newman - Let The Good Times Roll
Peggy Lee- Dock Of The Bay
Solomon Burke - Maggie's Farm
Wilson Pickett - Born To Be Wild
Tom Jones - Keep On Runnin'

I'll try and do an update of what gets into the final countdown next week, and if anyone does happen to be passing through the Leigh on Sea area this Friday, why not pop along to raise a glass and shake a leg. Or perhaps check out some of my earlier mixes which feature several tracks from both selections.

Tunes From The Crypt


Frighty Night Is Music Night

Where Are They Now? Pt 1 - Park keepers

"I don't care who you are - get off the grass!!...."

In an ongoing series documenting the disappeared - things that were everyday sights or common occurrences that seem to vanished for no obvious reason.

I'm going to start with Park Keepers.
They may still be around, and I'm just looking for the wrong thing - expecting to see a sour, dour middle aged military type (possibly with a moustache) purple faced and frowning around the grounds. But no, there's obviously Groundsmen (green polo shirts, badged and branded with the local council's snappy logo) shuddering around the boundaries on fun size tractors, who seem to be either straight from a Gillette ad' or dreadlocked friends of 'Swampy' - but no obvious leader of the pack.

There were two 'Parkies' at our local park Geoff (Mr Nice)who looked like Oscar Goldman and would let you sit in the office on cold days, and Bill (Mr Nasty) who would get on the 999 line every time the witches hat was liberated from it's pole, if someone had been spotted on the shed roof, cricket green or had 'French Bangers'

Do these sort of jobs still exist? - It makes perfect sense that there should still be a requirement for Park Keepers but I'm convinced I haven't spotted one in years. I heard recently about a local government scam called 'tarmacing' where at the end of the financial year roads are tarmaced to use up any spare left in the budgets, allowing for the same budget to be given for the following year. I hope 'Parkies' haven't been victims of 'tarmacing' and cutbacks.

Start Making Sense Pt 1 - Chinstrap Beards

What in the name of Dr Mop are chinstrap beards all about?

Fair enough if you're a Quaker, Amish or just enjoy dressing like Windy Miller, but anyone else - why?? Even morris dancers don't go gadding around in their ribbons, bows and pig's bladder balloons away from the village green/pub car park. I can understand the solid earthiness of a full beard, even the neatly clipped precision of a 'tache. But chinstraps - why??And the haircut of choice that the chin strapped chap seems favour with his beardy based version of a comb over is usually

A - geometric pudding bowl fringe
B - bald/shaven

Check out the hyperkinetic ball of sexual tension that is Jospeh here,this is all genuine with no tweakage (apart from the italics)


"I grew my beard because I got bored with being the clean cut look and figured it would be interesting -- plus when some of the women at work complained too much,

what did he do?

"I knew I was onto something- they may deny it, but we all know they love it. ;)"

Not sure I like the no means yes tone there J

"Can't have a mustache though, because I am a tuba player, The downside is that it is freaking hot in summer - "

Aaaaaahh - so that'll be why you're naked in a photo booth then?

"the upside is that I spend winters in Finland, where it works great at keeping the wind off my cheeks. :) "

Upside for who - your Floridian neighbours, the girls at work - surely not the good people of Finland who get Oddbod flying in for a full winters worth of tooting on his tuba.?

So there you go forget Facebook, Bebo and other social networking sites Beards.org is where the hot action is frying tonight.

Bad Book Club Pt 1 -A Londoner's Diary

The London paper the Evening Standard has a free magazine every Friday 'ES'.

Typically the cover splash features ‘next big things’ (actors and/or models) that I've never heard of and never seem to go anywhere. Inside it's a medley of serious faced suity types and their shiny new projects, aristocratic inheritance scandals about high society swizzery and who ended up with all Lord Toffingham’s lolly. Oh, and a designer. But the travel pages are great.

However, the thing that really makes me grind my teeth to dental powder is one full page of full on smuggery bringing light to the lives of lowly folk - called

‘A Londoner's Diary’

It’s usually written by the sort of quack head Notting Hill ninny you’d dread being sat next to anywhere (apart from when it’s Alex James). In which the guest gabbler of the week swishes through a list of society lunches, showbiz launches, 'charidee'work and country weekends throwing celebrity names around like someone feeding handfuls of corn to the feral pigeons

The political diarists are even more deeply dire, full of quizzical eyes, knowing nods and Westminster(yawns)yarns that turn you grey faced, glazed and bored to the very core.

It’s these sort of metro trendies and droning minnies that give southerners a bad name. You could argue - why read it, if its so bad? But that's the thing - it is so bad! I have to check in to see if it’s still maintaining it's quota of queasy cheese.

I don't care who’s appearing this week (apart from if it's Alex James) they can take their dreary diary and smugger off.

My Superhero Personality Quiz

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 75% Superman 65% Iron Man 65% Robin 60% The Flash 60% Hulk 55% Catwoman 50% Supergirl 50% Spider-Man 35% Wonder Woman 25% Batman 25%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Retromanic Pt 5 - Kooks

The final part of my retromanic week and a few crackers

Unlikely celebs in some great ad's

Gary Numan & Tubeway Army - Lee Cooper


Lulu - Happies Shoes


Spike Milligan - Mini


Captain Scarlet/Thunderbirds - Lyons Maid