Where Have All Good Themes Gone?

Can you whistle or mentally cue up any recent TV theme tunes? I can do Eastenders and Have I Got News For You, but wouldn't know a post millenium motif or TV tune if I tripped over it (apart from QI, which is possibly the weediest opening anthem ever).

So what happened to big brassy small screen themes packed with action and splash - is it to do with budgets? It usually is. And where are the new names to replace Laurie Johnson, Ronnie Hazlehurst, John Barry or Barry Gray (the fun size John Barry). All of the above and and a handful of others wrote compositions so strong they were regularly released as singles or bundled up into budget compilations.

One often overlooked and underplayed obscurity is John Barry's theme to The Orson Welles Mysteries, which makes a perfect companion piece to his Persuaders theme.

You can download The Orson Welles Mysteries here

Or grab Geoff Love playing Your Top TV Themes here

But, if you fancy something cinematic why not try out this team up from Roman Empress and myself.

Stress Down Friday - 'what a waste of gunpowder and sky'

I haven't found this tune anywhere else (of course it's bound to be on the very next blog I read). So I'll fire it up here.

Aimee Mann -'4th Of July' (live version)


Aimee Mann -'4th Of July' (studio version)

Random Roulette - Stick or Twist.

In all the time I've been blogging (not quite a year yet) I haven't once loaded up a randomizer/shuffle post - mainly because my player will cough up chunks of clunk from the catalogue when it's under pressure. So this time I set myself some rules...

List the first five songs and get 1 point for every good song.

Then - either stick if it's a good hand, or twist for another 5 points and repeat if you dare.

However should a clunker come into play - that's it. Bust. Game Over - lose all your points.

So, how many hands could I do before going bust? Well I make this three twists without any howlers so decided to stick at 15 points...

Little Rose Little - 'You've Got The Love'(Talcum Soul, Vol. 3)
The Upsetters - Return Of Django(The Trojan Records Sampler 2002)
David Bowie - 'Beauty And The Beast'(Stage)
Small Faces - 'Tin Soldier'(The Darlings Of Wapping Wharf Launderette)
Toni Daley - 'Like The Big Man Said'(Take My Tip)


Dub Specialist - 'Bionic Dub'(Mojo Presents: Studio One Selector)
Sex Pistols - 'EMI Unlimited Edition'(Sex Pistols Box Set, Disc 1)
John Martyn - 'Solid Air'(Solid Air)
Azymuth - 'Tarde'(Aguia Nao Come Mosca)
Eno - 'I'll Come Running'(Vocal Box Set)


Corciolli - 'Ponta Da Praia'(Electro Bossa)
Sex Pistols - 'Anarchy In The UK'(Live at the 76 Club)
The Beatles - 'When I Get Home'(Something New)
Gladys Knight & The Pips - 'Gladys Knight & The Pips'(Motown Chartbusters, Vol. 2)
Jim Stafford - 'Spiders and snakes'(Spiders and Snakes)

How's Your Luck?

Are you a winner? I'm not really, but I once worked with the Queen of competions, who was always scooping up sackloads of prizes - cash, clothing, holidays, furniture. Her dead cert' technique was dead simple - have scattergun goes at any/every cut out competition. She was constantly collecting coupons, completing snappy captions and telling retailers why their treats where so tasty in twenty five words or less.

I've only ever won one 'answers on postcard' prezzie - it was in the eighties Bowie fanzine 'Starzone'. I can't remember the question but the prize was a promo poster for Eno's 'Apollo' album signed by the pop boffin himself and cover artist Russell Mills. I've got it framed somewhere.



These pic's (Lolly Pop and Jack Pott) are taken from the always excellent Fleetway Street.

Tattoo You

Marmite has a sizeable collection of them, Piley's is Betty Page shaped, Bleecher's is modelled on a Mexican motif, Jack Gestures (no blog) is a Joy Division tribute - what are they? Tattoos of course!

I always wobble between do I really want one? What design to go for and where should it be fused forever? Although I've been sitting on the tattoo fence for so long, it's unlikely I'll take a tumble now.

But what I have noticed this summer is a sudden surge in girls with foot tattoos - sprinklings of stars, floral motifs or crazy curls - but why the foot? And why suddenly so popular? And how do you keep still during a crazy combo of tickle and torture?

And why in the name of Darth Maul would anyone want a facial tattoo? - Doesn't that just mark your card as nutterpsychospacecadet straight away?

So how about some hard core tattooed rock monsters then?

Rose Tattoo - 'Bad Boy For Love'
Featuring Angry Anderson - singer of 'Suddenly' (The Wedding Theme From Neighbours)


Michael Monroe - 'Dead, Jail or Rock n' Roll'
Michael Monroe was the former frontman of Hanoi Rocks - a band that created a metal template later cloned and copied by bands like Motley Crue and Guns N' Roses.

Hello Sailor

I'm a long time browser of Axe Victim's rocking blog, and watched from an offstage observer's POV whenever AV has blogged about his band Magic Ship's influences, lyrics and how the group have been tweaking and tuning themselves into a ship shape rock group.

So I knew then, that the debut album 'Love Tel Motel' wouldn't let me down - what I didn't expect was a thunderous non stop rocker that rolls from Faces and Stones stompers like 'Fly' and 'Love Tel Motel' to Reef and Primal Scream strutters like 'Standing Taller' and 'Love and Glory' via Ronnie Lane-Floyd-CSN style stoner strummings of 'Monkeyphonic Alphabet' in one fully formed and funky bundle.

If you fancy cruising through guitar shaped soundscapes of two fisted classic rock with a catchy pop topping and tunes that leave a flaming trail of bourbon, diesel and desert dust in their wake - treat yourself with a trip to the 'Love Tel Motel' - this album is going to be the soundtrack to summer for me and I would guess anyone who hears the Magic Ship shaking their rocks off.

But don't just take my word for it blogging legend Rock Mother dedicated an entire Romo For Real Podcast to ver Ship's blistering debut album, and Ivstanki has a live bootleg of Magic Ship's maiden show available for download.

So rock and roll over to either of the Magic Ship sites for dates and details of the album, live shows, new songs and to meet my favourite new ship mates...

The magic ship Website

The magic ship on MySpace

Txt Pest

Who was the anonymous boffin that invented predictive text? In principle it's a neat and nifty idea, but in practice I usually want to smash the sodding phone to smoke and splinters. Here's a few examples that I've almost become bitextual at translating without any mental blinking..

What I Want - What I Get
Don't - Foot
Go - In
Home - Good
If - He

Other assorted oddities include..

Time - Vindaloo
Paragraph or Paracetmol - Parachuting

And in some farcical fingers 'n' thumbs fumble - I once signed off causing confusion and cringed shoulders for the textee "that's great news thief"

Eight From The Eighties Wasteland - Pts. 5 to 8

Part two of my list of bits and bobs that seemed to have dropped off of the eighties radar

Yes the Nine O'Clock News
Not the Nine O'Clock News was must see TV at the time. It's the comedic link between Python and the Young Ones, so why is it so consistently overlooked and underplayed - why don't we ever see any repeats? It's easily forgotten that scenes, sketches and songs were discussed and dissected in Senior Schools and Common Rooms all over the UK following the previous evening's show and that the records books and tapes all sold by the shedload (including Rowan Atkinson's 'Live in Belfast' album)- I saw a DVD of NTNOCN recently and could remember almost every line (including the exact intonation) and piece of incidental music having not seen any episodes for at least twenty years.

Eighties - Greyties
Those rotten grey sort of shapeless combat troos worn by Howard Jones or anyone over thirty with squashy white trainers and a pastel polo or checked shirt (a moustache was optional) - see also the opening titles of 'Who Dares Wins', Channel Four's criminally forgotten reply to the NTNOCN.

Dressing Up Can Be Fun
Boxing - JoBoxers, weren't the only Popstars that sparred with boxing clothing and imagery as a stylish icon - Spandau Ballet, Wham and even Bowie had a pop.

Jazz Club - Blue Rondo, Modern Romance, Animal Nightlife, Sade, Carmel all riffed on the theme of Jazz moods.

Kings Of The Wild Frontier - Davey Crocket tassle jackets and check shirts were must wears for one month in early 1983 - see also Theatre of Hate, Aztec Camera.

Splatter
Horror, Splatter and Slasher films became cultural currency in the early eighties, with teens and twenty somethings trying to out trump each other's video nasty badges of honour. Titles like 'Basket Case', 'Evil Dead', 'Last House On The Left', 'My Bloody Valentine', 'Cannibal Holocaust', 'Nightmares in a Damaged Brain' were all documented in full blooded detail in Fangoria - see also 'Thriller' and....

The Rolling Stones 'Too much Blood'

Eight From The Eighties Wasteland - Pts. 1 to 4

Whenever Cinema, TV and Radio recreate or rewind to the eighties it’s usually always set dressed with the same instamatic imagery and compounded clichés. So for balance here’s a handful of everyday items that seem to have dropped right off of the eighties radar (well from the pre Live Aid era anyway, before it all went soft, soppy and 'Johnny Hates Jazz').

Armageddon Time
Being prepared for the overhanging dangle of nuclear death and destruction - everyone I knew, well everyone my age really, almost expected to be atomised in an atomic blast by 1987. - see also Threads, Mad Max, 'Two Tribes' 'World Destruction'

Skeen-‘eads
Skinheads were everywhere and ever ready to bash, boot, beat up anyone who wasn't another braces and bleached jeans wearing skin.

Eighties - Gayties
It was just so gay - Marc Almond, Bronski Beat, Boy George, Marilyn, Dead Or Alive, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Morrisey,Divine, HI-NRG(which later became the signature sound of Stock Aitken and Waterman) the clone look ‘tache, and films like ‘Kiss Of The Spider Woman’ and ‘My Beautiful Launderette’.

Middle Aged Teenagers
Girls in their teens going for the mature sophisticated smoker and A-Line look of Angie from Eastenders (who was only thirty six when 'stenders was first broadcast), while teenage boys would regularly dress in Golf Club casual clobber - see also the expectation to be married and mortgaged by twenty four at the very latest.

I Don't Miss The Hiss

CDs MP3s and digital downloads may be as sexy as the highway code, but for all the cosy fireside crackle of analogue and super size artwork of album covers, there’s a fistful of things I don't miss about the old fangled ways of listening...

Systems
Housing a Hi-Fi the size of a paraffin heater.

Picking up phantom ham radio broadcasters through the speakers.

Know alls picking holes in your personal filing system 'you've got *** next too ***? - That's not right!'

Tapes

The mind melting madness of actual man hours invested in compiling a single 90 minute tape, or the trickery and tactics of trying to wrench in that last track without clipping it or leaving a large gap.

The ghostly notes of backwards backing vocals seeping through from the other side. IE
Andy Partridges home demo of 'Harvest Festival' - recorded onto cassette, which hasn't quite wiped the previous classical recording from the tape.



The mangled reels and reef knot ribbons in the tape head - dear God please not the car stereo.

Those 'been done left in the sun' wobbles.

RSI from rewinding with pencil

Vinyl

Knowing the hops, skips and jumps as initmatley as the lyrics.

That random dusty needle glide (hey hey hey what's a happening!)

Blu Tack and copper coinage (never silver) employed as a weighting device.

Set dressing the 'scene' with romantic mood music, only for the mood go into meltdown at the inevitable album turn over( or the passion killing clunk and fidget of auto reverse tape decks.)

Rolling Home Stoned

If you've ever had a peep at the other side you may have noticed that I'm a bugger for a bootleg remix. Mark Vidler is the big boss of booty remixes, and has just released new boxful of goodies titledSpliced Krispies

These are a couple of the Stones themed pieces where Mick 'n' Keef team up with Carly Simon and The Tempations (there's also a T.Rex/Stones one available here) ... Mark has been good enough to give me some exclusive chat on his choons - including reworks of the 'finger of fudge' ad', the 'Grandstand' theme meets The Supremes and his CC Peniston/Sex Pistols stormer here..

'Mick n' Carly'


Go Home Productions - 'Mick n' Carly'

Go Home Productions - 'Rolling Confusion'


Go Home Productions -'Rolling Confusion'

Menace From The Deep

During the recent sunny spell this has been the view from my local station while waiting for the Fenchurch Flyer - but as sunny and delightful as this appears there is a real and deadly danger below the waves.

Just off shore (on the Kent side of the Thames) lies the the wreck of the SS Richard Montgomery loaded with somewhere between 1000 - 3000 tonnes of high explosives, which according to the New Scientist could generate "the world's biggest non-nuclear explosion" should they combust.

Eyes Right - the green strip just above the boats is Canvey Island.



Straight Ahead - the brown speck on the horizon is this place as seen on Grand Designs


Look East - looking towards the SS Richard Montgomery

Oh and it just happens to between two tanker lanes and a short hop from an oil refinery - there's more on it here

Stress Down Friday - French Lessons

Although I'm fluent in theatrical flailing and gesturing I don't actually speak a second language - I know a few scraps of French, but couldn't structure or shape a single sentance of any use.

So this track intrigues me, not just with its hypnotic loose grooves and repetitive riffing on a 'Get Carter' style bass motif - but what exactly in the name of Serge Gainsbourg is Yves Montand 'lapin'ing on about.

I'd be eternally greatful if anyone could explain the essence of his monologue as I'd love to know what's getting this homme so heated

Yves Montand - Pour Faire le Portrait d´un Oiseau



'Pour Faire le Portrait d´un Oiseau' is taken from volume 1 of the always excellent Hotel Costes series

NEWS JUST IN................

I've found a cartoon with the same title as this tune - although I'm still 'non' the wiser after a viewing...



FIN

I've just had confirmation from a real life Frenchman (a myspace friend of mine Mr Number Neuf) That the title translates as 'To make the painting of a bird'

Good Day Sunshine

You can buy these 'Will Patrons Kindly Refrain' tea towels here

It's just too sunny to be pretending to work or blogging (not strictly in that order) - so how about a trip to the beach?..

But watch out for broken glass..



Make sure you're a strong swimmer..


In case these two are around..


There's a medley of latin lovelies on the other side if you fancy a peep.

I'm Looking Through You

Hurrah - bionic eyes are here at last. I've been waiting decades for a breakthrough like this - not that I wear specs, contact lenses or any eye tech' accoutrements.

However, I won't be signing up straight away.
No, no I'll wait until the technology's bedded in and settled down - what happens when these cyborg eyeballs have the inevitable mechanical meltdown? - Is there a puff of smoke and they and fly out like firework lollipops or do they 'blue screen' leaving you looking like Master Po from 'Kung Fu'.

But the main motive for taking a bionic backseat is that I'm waiting for those juicy optional (pimp your pupils)extras to be added to the package.

X Ray vision
Laser blasts
Sat Nav
Scrolling LED messages
Genuine photographic memory

Now that is worth waiting for...

Stress Down Friday - Brian Eno

After drafting the architecture for Ambient Music, set dressing Bowie's Berlin trilogy, giving the Talking Heads a musical make over and creating one the most seminal sample albums ever ('My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts').
Eno also found time to crack off three albums of Electrokraut Robot Rock with Moebius,Roedelius and Plank..

'The Belldog' is a gentle melter taken from 'Begegnungen' that makes mention of "dark sheds" and "random code".

The Belldog



Eno on control, consumerism and religion - this is who I'd love to see as the Mayor of London .

Straight Eighties

If there was ever a musical composite of all things eighties, well early eighties - before everything went all Aha, Simon Climie, Johnny Hates Jazz and StockAitkenandtheotherone. There's probably no better soundscape than the head spinning six minutes that is the Heaven 17 megamix. Lets look at the clues...

Heaven 17 were formed from scraps of the early Human League, and went on to reanimate Tina Turner's comeback under their secret band name B.E.F - that's Sheffield Electrics, eighties power anthems, and secret bands in one slicked back, smart casual bundle right there.

There's a scrapbook of sounds in this mix you just wouldn't find on any track today - all the analogue bleeps, burbs, Fairlight synth slams, oily funk guitar used on everything from Wham to Spandau Ballet, 'Light Of The World' style synth horns and happy slappy bass place it straight in the pre Live Aid era.

Eventually adopted by Yuppies,Young Tories and Soul boys - Heaven 17 actually dressed to the left.

There's no breathing space or self editing in this let's see what that button does, lets see what all the buttons do mixed up madness.

It's a medley - another constant of that decade, from Stars On 45 to Jive Bunny.

Heaven 17 - Megamix



If you fancy filling your Tukka Boots with more sounds of the crowd - have a peep here

Chris Difford's Second Coming

Of all the CDs packed and played on my recent country escape, only a handful became promoted to 'perma-plays'. Chris Difford's second solo album The Last Temptation of Chris was one of them. As British as Light and Bitter and as London as Pie and Mash (with liqour) each carefully crafted cracker is packed with more hooks than a velcro belt, more pop than a dropped bottle of Tizer and sensitively scripted lyrics that sit somewhere between Galton and Simpson, Clement and La Frenais, Andy Partridge and Lennon and McCartney

Chris is on tour at the moment, but managed to find time to help with my enquiries...

'The Last Temptation' was recorded at home, how techie are you when it comes to home recording , and is time spent twiddling , time that could be used tunesmithing?

I have a man who does this for me, it costs money but it's worth it.

What about gadgets like Auto-Tune, would you be comfortable using something like that.

Yes I would, it's very handy for an old chap like me.

There are several candid, confessional moments on the album. Does it work - getting subjects out of your head, off your chest and into a song?

It's a great way of saving money in the therapist's chair.

Are you ever tempted to write a book, fact or fiction?

Yes I have, if I had more time I would nail it.

Who is Jim the storyteller in 'Battersea Boys'?

He is a guy I met two years ago in a hospice, he is not very well, but he helped me write this great song.

It seems to be Londoners eye view of life, do you think geography and location have an influence on music and songwriting?

Almost everything to do with it.

As a guitarist are you self taught, and is there one artist, album or track that made you pick up and play?

I learnt to play by watching Glenn play, he is my teacher.

Are you are guitar collector, and if so what's your most cherished possesion?

I have a nice collection, my top guitar is a Jim Olson.

It's Robbie Williams on the phone, he wants to write together what do you say?

I'm coming right over.

So what can we expect at the live shows - how does it break down with new songs, old favourites and covers?

All of the above and some nice lights too.

You've done the album, you're on tour - what's next?

More of the same....and then more of the same again until I grow up.

Have you got favourite lyric or moment on 'The Last Tempatation'?

It's all great, but I think Reverso is fun.


Recommended Reading

Chris Difford's Myspace

Chris Difford's Website

Chris Difford - Fat As A Fiddle

Shameless Self Promotion

Well there's a whole lot of swapping and swinging happening on Planet Mondo today.

Mr Double Down is taking care of business for this weeks Funky Friday - while I'm over at his Hook and Sling site with my brand new fifty minute mix called .....

'Dial M For Mondo'

Which you can try before you buy with this two minute teaser trailer



And if you feel like filling your funky boots with the full track list...

Lets All Make Love In London (intro)
Rare Earth - I Just Want To Celebrate
Marsha Hunt – (Oh No!)Not the Beast Day
The Exciters - Blowing Up My Mind
Little Milton - More and More (on loan from Roman Empress )
The Isley Brothers - Get Into Something
Amanda Shankar - Jumpin' Jack Flash
Wynder K Frog – Bad Eye
Peggy Lee - Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay
Lou Rawls - The Letter
Little Richard - I Don't Want To Discuss It
M.V.Ps - Turnin My Heartbeat Up
The Younghearts - A Little Togetherness
Luther Ingram - If It's All The Same To You Babe
Electric Flag - Soul Searchin
Shirley Scott & The Soul Saxes - Get Back

You can download it right here ‘Dial M For Mondo’

Reasons To Be Cheerful Pt 2 - UK Place Names

I may be getting into BLTP type territory here - but some villages, rivers and streets have the chirpiest, cheeriest names. So cosy they could have been dreamt up by Enid Blyton - places like......

Broughton Poggs - should surely have been a character in The Flumps.

Hatfield Pevrel - I used to know someone with a cat called Hatfield Peverel.

Littely Green - the pub here serves triangular baps called 'Huffers', which are delish.

Steeple Bumpstead - can be sung to the tune of 'Okalahama'.

Cockle Row - I whizz past this everyday on the C2C line.

River Dikler - Aaah bless.

River Piddle - you couldn't make it up could you?

And what joker came up with this one ? Gobblers Knob *does theatrical Tom and Jerry type gulp* . Don't panic - it's in America and is to do with 'Groundhog Day' apparently.

And as a footnote 'Reasons Not To Be Cheerful'.

Why does every person that buggers off and buys a farm (or moves abroad) feel they have to write a bloody book about it!

A cheese grater will cost you eighty five earth pounds at Daylesford Organic Farm - so go here instead 'The Crock Shop' just up the road in sunny Stow.

If you do visit any of these places - don't forget to follow the country code....

Joe And Petunia - Country Code


When In the Country